Conflict Resolution
(This article by Research & Education Department Director Joyce
Robinson first appeared in the November/December 2008 issue
of The American Postal Worker magazine.)
Conflict is a serious disagreement of opinion with another person or
an argumentative incompatibility of opinions and principles.
Conflicts do not always lead to negative outcomes — conflicting
parties can solve problems by looking together at a variety of alternatives
and taking the time to communicate openly. In an honest exchange,
hostility, anger, and misunderstandings are easily reduced.
Managing Disageements
The course to successful conflict resolution starts with you using “I” at
the beginning of your statements to let the other party know how you feel.
Rather than saying such things as, “You really messed up,” begin
a statement with “I,” and make it about yourself: “I
feel frustrated when this happens.”
Being non-accusatory encourages the other person to consider your point
of view without first feeling attacked.
In addition:
- Be assertive, not aggressive. Keep the statements focused on how you
are behaving, thinking, and feeling rather than on how you perceive the
other person is acting;
- Speak calmly and rationally. Do what you can to keep the other person
from adopting a defensive attitude;
- Avoid blaming. Pointing fingers only discourages empathy for another
person’s
feelings;
- Be willing to forgive. There’s always room for personal growth
when you forgive others for what you have suffered;
- Be willing to forget. Once you have “resolved” a conflict,
then “let go” of the conflict. Don’t bring it up later
on;
- Be honest. Discuss your feelings, and reactions to the conflict and
to the resolutions, and
- Show respect for yourself and for others. Don’t be vindictive
or belittle the other person.
Steps to Take
If you sense a conflict, it’s best to consider whether there
is a “right” time and place to discuss the situation, most
likely in private. In addition:
- Remain focused. Avoid the temptation to bring up seemingly related conflicts.
Introducing the past often clouds the issue and makes developing a mutual
understanding of the current issue less likely;
- Listen carefully. People often think they’re listening to the other
person, but instead are thinking about what they’re going to say
next when that person stops talking. Don’t interrupt or interject
a defensive standpoint;
- Appreciate other points of view. In a conflict, we talk a lot about
our point of view to get the other person to see things our way. Ironically,
there’s little focus on the other person’s point of view.
Not so ironically, nobody feels understood. In trying to really see the
other side, you can better explain yours;
- Respond to criticism with empathy. When someone comes at you with
criticism, it’s easy to get defensive. While criticism is hard to hear, it’s
important to try to empathize with someone else’s feelings;
- Find ways to compromise. Instead of trying to “win” an argument,
look for solutions that meet everybody’s needs, either through
compromise, or through a new solution that gives both sides something;
and
- Take a “Time-Out.” Sometimes tempers flare and a discussion
becomes an argument or a fight. If the conflict-resolution process becomes
too heated, it’s okay to take a break until you both cool off.
While taking a break is a good idea, try to come back to where you were
before, and accept that it may be necessary to admit to mistakes and to
apologize for behaviors before a stalemate can be overcome. It takes courage,
character, and fortitude to admit an error, bad judgment, disrespectful
behavior, or a lack of caring, concern, or understanding.
When both sides approach a conflict with a constructive attitude, mutual
respect, and a willingness to see the other’s point of view, you
can reach the goal of a resolution.
[back to top]
Printer-Friendly Page
